Why I Shouldn't Be Allowed on Facebook
9 p.m. Someone I know has been acting frosty toward me lately. (Side note: I'm not referring to you. You are awesome.) I check her Facebook page to see if something's going on in her personal life, and am interrupted by the "Add Friend" button in the corner of the screen.
She's unfriended me. So it's worse than I thought. I try to think back to a time I might have pissed her off, sparked a grudge, but I can't remember anything.
I try to push it from my mind.
1 a.m. The baby wakes up crying. I fish his pacifier out from under the crib and rub his back until he falls asleep. A thought occurs to me: Maybe we were never Facebook friends in the first place. That must be it. She's always been a little cold toward me. It's not like we've ever been friend friends. So what if we're not Facebook friends?
3 a.m. Still. We have almost two dozen mutual Facebook friends. She must have seen my name pop up a thousand times, and she's never once sent me a friend request.
3:20 a.m. Well, I'll just be frosty right back. Who needs smiles and friendly hellos? I'll save my good cheer for someone who actually appreciates it.
5 a.m. That would be like admitting that she's gotten to me. That she's won. Whatever reason I've given her to hate me, I can't let myself sink to her level.
10 a.m. Every time I catch my reflection in an office window or computer screen, I see myself through her eyes: Fat. Messy hair. Trying too hard. Always trying too hard. She can see through me; that's what it is. She sees the flaws I try to hide: my dips into arrogance, my attempts at credibility. No wonder she can't bring herself to say hello.
1 p.m. She's just jealous.
5:30 p.m. Why does it matter? At what point in my life did I decide, consciously or subconsciously, that likability equals security? That not being likable is to invite social exile, professional failure and a lonely death?
I know, on a logical level, that I'm being irrational. I'm brooding, and it's not worth it. But I can't dig myself out of this hole.
6:30 p.m. I will make her like me. I will.
8:30 p.m. I hate everyone.