To Learn and to Learn and to Learn
I've been feeling frustrated with this daily blogging project lately.
But after writing last night's post, I looked back on some past work and felt encouraged. I loved seeing all the creative pursuits I've followed through the year. I'd completely forgotten about SoulCollage, for example, and remembered how fun it had been. When I reread the quotes I'd transcribed from Anne Truitt's journals, her words lifted my heart with same awe that I felt when I first came across them.
Without this daily blog project those quotes might be hidden in the pages of an old journal, inaccessible, or highlighted in a book without any larger context about why they inspired me in the first place.
Another lesson that drifted down to me like the leaf of an oak tree: I'm doing this for myself.
I'd said as much earlier in the process, but it hadn't quite sunk in yet. I didn't fully believe it. Now I do. Now I realize the weight of those words: I'm not doing this for attention, nor praise, not to build my platform or get likes. I'm staking a claim. I am taking up space. I am embracing all my imperfections and limitations and one-sentence days without apology. And I am doing it all for me. To prove to myself that I can, and that it's worth it, and that my kids won't starve and the world won't explode and I won't be evicted from the internet by trolls.
I refuse to be precious about practice. I refuse to staunch my forward process with demands of the ego. I will learn, and I will learn, and I will learn, and I will learn. And if I learn my way to the literary canon then so be it. And if I don't, it will still be worth it. Because it's the only way to live.