Hi! I'm Kelly.

As a writer, I've always been interested in family stories. When I heard of a Satanic cult in my family tree, I thought I'd found the story of a lifetime. Read more.

The Coffee Catastrophe

The Coffee Catastrophe

Weekend blog posts are the hardest.

I have no deep thoughts to share, no interesting news. I've spent the entire day trying to keep the kids entertained, and by this time of night my brain has browned around the edges like lettuce kept inside the fridge too long. To spare you the same fate, I'll share a story from yesterday morning. 

This is the most embarrassing thing that's happened to me at the office.

Perhaps the most embarrassing part is that I wasn't even tired. I'd gotten a decent night's sleep for once. I have no excuse for what I'm about to tell you.

I was rushing to brew a carafe of coffee so I could take a cup and get an early start to the workday. I spent the entire commute writing in my head, and I wanted to get the words on paper before they disappeared. I decided, as the coffee brewed, that I couldn't wait for the pot to fill. And so I grabbed an empty cup and went to pour some hot water for tea instead. But I bumped the top of the industrial coffee maker and sent the water-logged filter full of grounds flying down my shirt. My hands flew up to catch the filter, and tipped the carafe over. As coffee poured across the countertop, water kept guzzling out of the coffee maker, spattering the spilled grounds onto every surface.

The kitchen suddenly looked like a gardening experiment gone very, very wrong. 

Coworkers appeared around me and, after making sure I was OK, set to work wiping up the counter. I tried to rinse the caked-on coffee grounds from my ruined blouse. But doing so felt selfish, so I turned my focus to the countertops.

And that's when I knocked the Keurig over. 

To their immense credit, my coworkers didn't kill me. I got extra paper towels from a drawer across the room and went back to scrubbing my shirt. I didn't trust myself to touch anything. It took four people and ten minutes of work to clean up the mess. 

You know that episode of The Office where Kevin spills a vat of chili on the floor, then spends the next five minutes floundering around in it? 

That's pretty much what happened, except that it involved coffee, went on much longer and included a lot more spectators. 

On the plus side, I smelled really good all day.


Like Driving at Night

Like Driving at Night

Mennonites and Long-Haired Hippies

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