So, this food thing.
I am so sick to death of this sugar addiction, which stymies me at every turn. There's an anxious, panicky energy there. Not quite a toddler energy but nervous, like I won't get what I need.
How long has the taste of something sweet been accompanied by shame? These looming feelings of "You do not deserve" and "You cannot have?" Shame is just a human construction, not based in reality. There is no deserving, no undeserving. But to live free of its confines feels so strange and disorienting. Those confines are all I've ever known.
Instead of thinking, "I am a failure," maybe I could swap that thought with "I am learning about myself." Because I am. I'm learning how my body reacts to certain foods, and what tools I can use to help me make good decisions.