Hi! I'm Kelly.

As a writer, I've always been interested in family stories. When I heard of a Satanic cult in my family tree, I thought I'd found the story of a lifetime. Read more.

Relax like a Pirate

Relax like a Pirate

I'm laying on the living room floor, eyes closed, trying to breathe. 

"What are you doing, mommy?" the toddler asks. 

"Meditating. Want to try?" 

"Yeah, yeah!" He flops on the floor beside me. 

"First you close your eyes. Then you put your hands on your tummy, and breathe in deep to push them out. Good. Now breathe out through your mouth, like you're blowing out a birthday candle." 

"Mommy, let's do this in bed. I need covers." 

We get in bed.

"Now close your eyes again, and breathe in--"


"OK, no more breathing. Close your eyes and relax your body. Picture yourself floating on a white, fluffy cloud." 

"I want to be on a pirate ship. I'll be on a pirate ship that has a room, like our bedroom, and a roof over the bedroom. But it's really a ship. That's where I want to be." 

"All right. Picture yourself in a bed on a pirate ship. You can be in one of those hammock beds that swings back and forth. You can hear the waves crash..." 

"It's spooky in the pirate ship. We need a night light."

"Pretend you have a night light." 

"No, we need a real night light. I'll get your book light. I'll put it under the covers and then if any spooky eyes pop out we can see who they belong to."  

"That's fine. Mommy's going to lay here in her swinging hammock and listen to the waves." 

The toddler shines the book light in my eyes. "Mommy, it's daytime now. You need to get up so we can find hidden treasure."  

"Mommy's too tired to find hidden treasure. She's going to lay here in her pirate bed." 

"Then I want you to tell me an Easter story. But make it spooky." 

"Does the Easter story have to have pirates in it?" 

"No, just Transformers." 

I tried. 


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