Being in Control of the Writing
I tried to work on the memoir yesterday, thinking it would help me feel more grounded. But I just felt a rush of resistance.
All this work on structure is so necessary. But after piecing apart the first few chapters, I'm left with just that--pieces. I have no way to give someone who might express in the book the slightest hint of its merit. If a literary agent or publisher finds my blog and says: "That sounds great! Send us the first few chapters!" I can't.
Now that I'm writing about it, it feels silly. If a literary agent or publisher did express interest, then I'd polish the first few chapters and send them over. And if they wanted the full manuscript, well, the book needs to be written in its own time. So there's that. I will write the book in its own time and nothing needs to be complete or presentable at this present moment.
How can I release these self-imposed weight of obligation, and still arrive at a place where I feel more grounded? Review my progress, I suppose. And keep documenting all the small steps forward.
This anxiety is all about control. I feel out of control and yet I want to control everything.